Today is one of my “life philosophy” rants–because if there’s one thing that drives me nuts, it’s when I see people follow certain methods or techniques or teachings even though they are NOT getting the results that they want from doing so.
I knew a man several years ago who is the poster child for what I’m talking about: he was a very strict vegan, and never missed an opportunity to preach the various health benefits of the vegan diet to whomever was in a 5-ft radius of him.
Here’s the problem: the dude was fat. I don’t mean a little chubby; I mean fat–Eric Cartman fat. Not only that, but he was tired all the time and constantly had to run to the restroom for his “digestive issues.”
In other words, he wasn’t exactly healthy, but he still kept eating the same diet to be healthy, like a robot…
But I’m not hating on vegans; I have another friend who had a whole bunch of allergies clear up after she adopted a vegan diet.
And herein lies the problem; most people look for the BEST diet, the BEST way to start a business; the BEST pick up line or the BEST way to solve relationship problems.
I’ve been there too. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on overpriced “all natural” health products and deprived myself of delicious foods only to learn they weren’t so bad for me after all. I’ve implemented “productivity systems” that made me more disorganized and less productive.
And I have destroyed good relationships and broken the hearts of good men by blindly following the advice of certain dating experts. If you’ve been “burned by the community,” or are still frustrated that you don’t have the kind of extraordinary love that you want, then you know what I’m talking about.
Here’s the thing, though–I would still whole-heartedly recommend all of those things to other people. In fact, I still practice some of what I learned from those experts–the stuff that works for me.
You are responsible for getting your results. The information, books, seminars, personal coaching–all of those things are resources to help you get your results.
Getting your results starts with asking the right kinds of questions.
Whenever I meet new people (men and women), I often end up having this conversation:
Them: “You’re a dating expert? Cool! What are your best dating tips?”
Me: “That depends on what you want.”
This is usually followed by blank stares, and then a confused… “I…just…want…dating tips.”
Me: “For what purpose? Do you want a get more dates? Do you want a relationship? Do you want to know
how to make your current relationship better?”
Them: “Uh…I don’t know…I just thought you’d have some, like, general dating tips.”
Ok, here’s one: Figure out what you want!!!
Most people want to be told what to do. It’s easy to follow someone else’s instructions. Some people take their instructions from more new agey “woo-woo” sources and other people take their instructions from sources more based in “logic” and “science.”
But few people are actually willing to become their own scientists, carefully experimenting and paying attention to what actually yields results for you.
We are lucky to live in a world where so much information is available! And with all that opportunity, there really is no excuse to blindly follow instructions.
To get the results you want, you must take personal responsibility for figuring out what you want and what to do to get those results.
This requires thinking for yourself and figuring out what works FOR YOU. It requires experimentation–trial and error–yes, ERROR! Sometimes to figure out what works, you have to first figure out what doesn’t work.
This requires paying attention to your results. Did that vegan diet clear up your allergies or make you fat? Did trying that “relationship communication technique” you read about actually improve the communication in your relationship?
As much as I enjoy getting compliments about me and what I teach (c’mon, what woman doesn’t like compliments? ), my favorite thing to hear are stories from students and clients about how they implemented what I teach and got their results!
So I’m going to end this article with a story: One of the students at last week’s Attract a Quality Partner Weekend Intensive told me that he had been seeing a therapist for some time, and he would basically go in to the therapist’s office and whine about his life. After the weekend (where I emphasized the importance of getting results), he went into his therapist’s office and said, “Ok, I’m not using this resource the right way. I don’t want to just sit here and whine. I want us to talk about how I can get the results I want in the future.” The therapist sat up and became more engaged in working with this man than he ever had been before.
Most people are searching for “the one thing that works.” The one thing that works is YOU figuring out what YOU need–and using all the resources available to go out and get it.