Did you know that women are probably approaching you all the time, and you just aren’t aware of it?
When a man approaches a woman, it’s pretty obvious what he wants. Even if he’s using all kinds of PUA-Stealth-trickery that makes him think he’s flying under the radar, it’s pretty obvious what he wants. On the other hand, I’ve noticed more and more just how oblivious men are to being approached. That’s because women will usually approach in a very different way than a man will, so it’s important to pick up on these signals so you know what’s going on.
Women are soft, subtle creatures. It’s easy to miss the signs we put out there for you.
It’s rare that a woman will walk up to a guy and ask him out directly, or even say out loud that she noticed him and just had to come over and say hello.It’s much more likely that a woman will take steps to make it safer and easier for you to approach her and ask her out.
There are of course variations on a theme here, but there are 2 major ways in which a woman “approaches” a man.
1. Eye Contact, a.k.a. the “Approach Me Eyes”
When a woman keeps glancing at you, smiling, blushing, and looking away, it’s likely that she likes you! Now’s not the time to get all insecure and wonder if she’s silently judging your choice of t-shirt or if she’s actually checking out the body builder behind you. She’s looking at you—and she wants you to notice. She wants you to know that she likes what she sees. She’s hoping you like her too…and that you’ll walk over to her and do something about it.
2. Breaking the Ice
Women don’t have the same social stigma attached to approach as men often do. I can approach a total stranger and, while they might not become my best friend or next date, it’s highly unlikely they will think I’m being creepy, weird, or sleazy.
This is good news for you, though, because if a woman likes you, she’s much more likely to actually walk over and break the ice. Now some women are shy and some women aren’t aware of how scary it might be for you, so they won’t approach. Other women have read some BS dating advice about how they should wait to be approached by you, lest they come across as too masculine, so they won’t approach. A lot of other women, though, will find an excuse to come talk to you. I do it all the time, and it’s usually something really simple like…
Here are some common ones:
“What are you drinking? That looks good.”
“When will the bartender come to this side of the bar you think?”
“Is there only one window/check-out aisle open?”
“Do you know where to find the personal growth books? This Borders is huge and I keep getting lost.”
Now, look, if I really just wanted to know where the personal growth books are, I would ask a staff member, ok? I’m asking you because I’m approaching you.
If you want to know when a woman is approaching you, look for casual questions and comments on the obvious. The ice breaker is a non-direct (ie. more feminine) way to for a woman to open you. Even if I approach a man and break the ice, I will still want him to lead the interaction and ultimately be the one to seduce me. If he doesn’t know to do that, then the interaction falls flat and the attraction dissolves. Women will usually approach in an indirect way and then hope you take the reigns.
If she’s giving you the eyes, she wants you to take the cue and walk over. If she approaches you and breaks the ice, she wants you to then take the lead and keep the conversation going…until you eventually ask her out.
Remember, women are approaching you—more than you probably ever realized—so the next time that cute girl behind you in line at Starbucks asks you if you’ve ever had their green tea latte, know that she’s probably giving you the green light to ask her out.
P.S. Here’s a great example of this that a client shared with me:
I work as Barkeeper, here a few things women said to me:
“Are you allowed to drink at the Job?”
“I give you a tip if you dance for me”
“Pick up my straw!”
“Whats your name?”
“He was a bit weird” (after she talked to somebody)
She: “Where are you from? Me: “Germany” She : “I love Germany!”
P.P.S. If you want to know more about pickup on women’s signals, check out my ebook, Conversation and Connection Skills