Have you ever known one of those guys who, no matter where he goes, he seems to be able to make friends with everyone and connect with almost every woman he meets?
Whether or not he’s aware of it, this is a good sign that he is good at getting into rapport with people.
Rapport is an essential part of creating a connection with a woman, and it is the easiest way to create an instant connection!
Most men either skip rapport altogether, or believe (or have been taught) that they should only bother with rapport after having “created attraction.” This is a misunderstanding about what rapport is and what it is intended for, since rapport is an essential part of creating attraction in the first place (and you can’t create attraction before you create rapport).
The truth is, men in the real world (meaning, outside of the “pick-up community”) usually meet their girlfriends and wives by creating a connection through building rapport. That’s not the say that that’s the only thing that happened; Rapport is one ingredient of attraction–not the ONLY one. However, you will have the best success rate by making it the first one you use.
Why? Because rapport creates trust and a sense of “liking each other.” It’s what makes us feel warm and fuzzy. Again, this is all an important part of the attraction process.
Rapport happens because we like things that are like us. You’ve experienced this before, probably, at a party or event where you are meeting new people. Most people, when they first meet, will ask about what you do for work, where you grew up, what school you went to…this is all in the search for something in common.
“Oh, you went to school there? No way! I went to school there too!” Now that you know you have something in common, a connection is formed.
However, an even more compelling way to create rapport is through having something in common with your body language.
This can be achieved by positioning your body to be similar to hers.
For example, if she’s got her legs crossed, you cross your legs or put your leg over your knee (you don’t want to look feminine—so approximate matching is ok).
You can also match a person’s tone of voice, like relative pitch, and the speed at which she talks.
And, you can match her words–this is the where you use words that she uses, or talk about what you have in common.
A woman will likely not consciously notice you matching her body language and communication style, and unconsciously she will feel connected to you and that she likes you.
By the way, this is not some secret manipulation tool; this is how everyone behaves around people they like. Next time you are out with your friends, you will probably notice that you have a natural tendency to sit or stand like each other.
Rapport has two parts to it: pacing and leading.
Pacing is where you match her body language, tone of voice, and words. Leading is where she then starts to unconsciously pace you and follow your lead. When she follows your lead, naturally and unconsciously, then you know you have created an instant connection.
By the way, if you want to learn more about rapport and the other ingredients that create attraction, check out The Art of Flirting Workshop!
Rapport is not the only ingredient when it comes to creating attraction, but it is a vital first step. I recommend that you practice being in rapport with everyone that you talk to–it helps make communication go much smoother and more effectively!