On a Scale from 1-10…

Quick question for you: how often do you rate women on a numbers scale? You know…”She’s a 5,” She’s a 10,” “She’s an 8.5.”

If you aren’t attracting the kind of women you want, then this kind of rating-by-numbers mentality is probably part of what’s killing your game, because the majority of women are not viewing things this way. Sure, if a bunch of guys were lined up, a woman would be able to rate them from 1-10, but that’s not how she’s going to be thinking when she’s out in the real world meeting guys—meeting you.

In addition, rating women by numbers usually comes with other mentalities that kill your game, such as putting women on a pedestal.

Every guy I’ve talked to that refers to women by number has trouble in the area of dating and relationships. It messes up your understanding of what’s actually going on in the dating game, such as…

1. Attraction is Contextual

We all know about beer goggles, and that’s just one example of how someone’s attractiveness changes with context. This is why most women don’t use a rating system–it’s meaningless to them. A man can be a “4” one minute and a “10” then next based on how he presents himself and his words and actions.

Pick-up artists know this, which is why they’ve developed techniques to make themselves consistently appear as 10’s.

However, the interesting thing that happens with guys who rate-by-number (including some pickup artists) is that they totally forget this, and assume that if women can be rated at a certain, fixed number, so can they. These guys usually have so much insecurity that they then brand themselves a “4” or lower and then fixate on the “fact” that they will never be very attractive. Their confidence plummets and these guys lose their ability to attract women, thus “proving” their self-assigned number.

Attractiveness is much too fluid to be turned into some kind of mathematical equation, for you or for her. Instead, focus on the women you find most attractive and remember that you can become attractive to them, too, by changing your context.

“Context” can be how you look (yes, I know some people are more genetically blessed than others, but look your best), your internal beliefs and state, your behavior, and your environment.

2. Looks Aren’t Everything

I know you’ve heard this before when it comes to you. Well, it’s also true for her. It’s actually ok for you to mentally rate women as long as you are rating the whole package—looks and personality.

Men who obsess over dating a 10 as a milestone are usually obsessed with status—they have something to prove. Men who have handled their inner game don’t fixate on women who are physically hot. They look for a “total ten:” a woman who has both inner and outer beauty.

I often hear guys talk about how hot women can get away with so much because guys everywhere put them on a pedestal. The guys are bitter about this, like it’s some kind of fact of life, but who is putting these women on a pedestal? The same guys who are bitter about doing it!

Guys assume that beautiful women can have whatever—and whoever—they want, but the truth is, beautiful women can only have whatever they want from whoever is putting them on a pedestal. The rest of the world looks at them and says, “Yeah, I don’t care if you’re hot, you’re not getting special treatment.” The only way for a beautiful woman to respect you enough to find you attractive is if you have the same attitude towards her.

By the way, no special treatment means no special treatment. If you are being aloof, distant, and negging her just to prove that you aren’t going to give her special treatment, that is special treatment, because you wouldn’t bother doing all that work with a woman you didn’t find attractive, right?

You don’t have to hide your attraction to a beautiful woman; just make it clear that you aren’t going to do her any special favors just because you find her attractive—not until she’s proven that she is also smart, cool, fun to be around, and interested in doing nice things for you (and to you) too.

3. Your Ratings are Arbitrary

There’s a popular “PUA” idea that 10’s require different techniques and tactics than 5’s do. If you buy into that, then good luck attracting a woman of any number!

Nevermind that this mentality is another way of putting hot women on a pedestal. The reason that idea is pure fertilizer is because your rating system is arbitrary.

It’s not something that’s set in stone; it’s your opinion. Even if there are other dudes who share your opinion, it’s still an opinion, not a scientific fact.

Your opinion doesn’t have anything to do with how the woman sees herself. You might think she’s a 10, but she might think she’s a 5, or vice versa. There are women who look like super models who see themselves as ugly, and there are frumpy chicks who think they are God’s gift to men.

While you are certainly entitled to your opinion, it’s important to keep in mind that it has nothing to do with what’s going on outside of your head.

So, next time you are out meeting women, ditch the number rating system and interact with them like they are human beings instead. 🙂

Comments

  1. Nice post, some good comments about the floating nature of attraction. Only problem is, the treatment you give to a woman you’re attracted to is going to be “different” by definition. You’re attracted to her vs not. Whether it’s “special” or not is something else. But you’re going to do what you think would impress her, then you’re going to internally think “oh man I hope I impressed her” or “I hope she likes me” Someone who you’re not attracted to, you don’t care about those things. In your mind you’re going to run the “try and attract her” program (whatever that may be: buy her stuff, be nice to her, smile to her, breathe into your balls, pretend not to be attracted in order TO attract, think about fairies from the planet blue, whatever that may be)

    So, in some way you’re going to be giving her “special” treatment, are you not?

    • Anonymous says:

      Yes, good point, so let me clarify: by “special treatment” I mean letting
      her treat you like her personal assistant just because you want to sleep
      with her, or otherwise compromising who you are to impress her. “Breathing
      into your balls,” for example, doesn’t compromise your self-respect.

      • ah, ok, that makes sense. Although, I’d add “as much” to your statement, as in “breathing into your balls doesnt compromise your self-respect as much” Also – I think whether or not you’re successful plays a factor also. If I bought her a dinner and slept with her, I’d be likely to feel more self-respect than if I bought her dinner and didn’t get to sleep with her.

  2. Michaël ( ObservinTheLaws ) says:

    Good article. The two most important things I learned in this article is that a woman will not respect you if you give her undue credits just for her looks, or if you put her on a pedestal. The second thing I learned is that trying to act aloof and distant is ” needy ” because you try to GET something by doing it. You try to increase her interest by MANIPULATION.

    Michaël. Known as: ObservinTheLaws on David Shade’s VIP Inner Circle Forum. ( I highly recommend David Shade ).

  3. You nailed me Liz. I can totally see how my rating system sabotages my relating and attracting women. I see myself closing down any possible attraction with women below a “6 or 7” because I fear I won’t be able to handle the tension of an “ebb and flow” attraction dynamic. There is a fear of losing control because I don’t know where the attraction might lead, and not knowing how to behave with a women who “I am not sure if I want to fuck”.

    This also impacts my self-worth because I do imagine women rating me on a scale (usually rather low). To further my self-sabotage, I have spent a lot of time looking for “evidence” that women do this. To be fair, it does seem that at least some women do something like this; there is a website 7orbetter.com where women go who apparently “refuse” to date men without a large penis. Yes, I can see myself wanting to blame women and get back at them for the resentment I feel for “making me feel unworthy.”

    I am grateful for you bringing this to my attention and I really want to break this cycle.

  4. To Skawdim, I just want to add in something since I’m not sure you’re clear on this. Women will not lose respect for you for being attracted to them and wanting them to like you. They lose respect for men when men decide “Since you are hot, I will do whatever I can to get your clothes off.” That guy is saying “I am willing to be treated like crap because I want to have sex with you that bad.”

    THAT IS NEVER OK! Nobody should ever be treated poorly! A man who respects himself thinks “You are attractive, I want you, I wonder if she’s cool” HE HAS BOUNDARIES! For me, if I see a woman be rude to anyone, or if she frequently bashes other people behind their backs, I just stop talking to her. If I hear a girl whine about life all the time. I stop talking to her. If she does something I just don’t want in my life; she’s gone. I won’t date a girl who thinks working out is pointless, who smokes, who does ANY drugs period.

    It’s GREAT that you’re attracted to her. It WOULD NOT be great if you said “Well I hate smokers, but I’ll change it just to have sex with her once”.

    (Keep in mind, it’d be a whole thing entirely if you meet her and all of the sudden realize you WANT to consciously change a boundary. You’re making a deliberate choice. Changing the rules is different than ignoring the rules).

    ————————————————————————————————————–

    Also another point I’d like to add in comment to this, My friends and I were recently going to a party, the theme was to dress up like some of your favorite movie characters, we were going to go as the guys in Animal House, and one of my friends actually bluntly said “None of us should be walking around in wearing a giant bedsheet, i don’t care if it’d be fun, why would anyone talk to us?”

    I hope people reading this see how STUPID this belief is. (Stupid, sad, weak, totally unmasculine, and unattractive…AND WRONG). With this whole numbering system, if you’re going to do it, label yourself a ten. Before you say “I’m fat, i’m out of shape, I have a facial deformity”. The real point here to learn is that as people WE DECIDE HOW ATTRACTIVE WE ARE.

    You decide what to say when you introduce yourself to someone, you decided whether you worked out today, you decided how much work you’ve put into yourself, you decided what clothes to wear, you decide what you believe about yourself, you decide your body language, you decide how to react to how you feel, you decide EVERYTHING. You decide if a woman is “too good” for you. My friend decided he wasn’t good enough to dress up in a silly costume for party.

    The point of this article is this: You’re attractiveness is not a set figure that can not be changed. It is whatever you want it to be. It is infinite, we are all far more attractive and awesome than we realize! Even if NOBODY on Earth finds you attractive. You can still decide you are. How we all think of ourselves will determine how we treat others. SO THINK OF YOURSELF HIGHLY!!!! Be proud! Be happy! Be well! It’s the best way to live a great life!

    Even it makes no sense, just decide you’re attractive, just do it. Even if you don’t know why, just decide you are. (By the way, the fact that you’re reading this means somewhere deep in your mind, you do believe that. You didn’t quit, so you’re here, GOOD for you.)

    • “Women will not lose respect for you for being attracted to them and wanting them to like you.”

      Maybe. but thats a different topic altogether. I was just saying I personally would have a different “meter” of “self-compromising” if I was successful

      To me, going up to a girl and asking her out is a small form of “self-compromising” because I’m stating I’m attracted to her, without any evidence of reciprocation. So at some level, we as men have to cast away our “boundaries” as you call them.

      “Even it makes no sense, just decide you’re attractive, just do it. Even if you don’t know why, just decide you are.”

      I did. I also just decided that the sky is purple and it rains junior mints in Albuquerque every third wednesday of an odd month. I have about the same evidence to support both.

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