The ‘Don’t F*ck with Me’ Walk

Did you know that taking Martial Arts can make you more attractive to women? And no, it’s not just because you can walk up to a woman and tell her you know Kung Fu. Learning and practicing the art of combat (regardless of what form you choose) does wonders for your confidence and masculine power.

I’ve taken various martial arts and self-defense classes over the years, and I always notice a dramatic difference in my confidence level during the times I’m enrolled in those classes versus the times when I’m not (and have started to feel like I’m *forgetting* what I learned). Recently, I talked with a client who just took up martial arts again after not having practiced it for years, and he also could really feel the difference.

He said that he had a name for the way he walked when he was feeling that confident energy from knowing how to defend himself: the ‘don’t f*ck with me’ walk. I love it. 🙂

If you want to feel better, more powerful, and have that confidence trickle into being more successful in other ares of your life (like dating!), take up some kind of martial art or self defense practice. Knowing that you know how to handle yourself in a fight will give your sense of personal power a serious boost.

Besides, there are other benefits to knowing how to defend yourself…like knowing how to defend yourself. 🙂

But it’s not just about that. It’s about getting comfortable with fighting, with aggression, with physical violence. As controversial as it might be for a woman to say this, I believe that this is essential for any man who wants to truly tap into his masculine power (actually, I believe that this kind of practice is essential for women, too, but for different reasons which I won’t go into right now).

Now let me be crystal clear on something: developing these abilities is NOT the same thing as becoming a violent person. There is no good reason to seek fights and there is no pleasure to be taken in hurting another human being.

I am also not talking about anger. Anger is an emotion that needs to be dealt with and released–and going to town on the punching pad is not the most effective way to do that (actually studies have shown that acting out on your aggression will increase your amount of anger).

This is about learning to defend yourself and your body. You take vitamins and medicine to defend your body against viruses. You should know what to do to defend your body against ill-intentioned humans, too.

All of my martial arts instructors had the ability to end a fight (actually, I’m sure they had the ability to kill a man) in about 3 seconds flat. All of them said that if someone just wanted their wallet, they would hand over the wallet. All of them emphasize that you should only fight if you have to in order to protect yourself (that’s yourself–not your possessions or your pride). And all of them are some of the most peaceful and grounded people I’ve ever met.

This makes sense, when you think about it. There is nothing “enlightened,” really, about giving your wallet to a mugger because you are terrified of what he might do to you otherwise, but there is something very powerful–and spiritually mature–about knowing you could break several bones in his body and keep your money but instead you decide to give your money away so that both of you remain unharmed.

In other words, you can’t really choose to be a peaceful, non-violent person until you’ve developed the capability to do the opposite.

Besides, what if he’s not just after your wallet? If there was someone who was going to harm you, would you be able to defend yourself and keep yourself safe? What if you need to protect your woman? Yes, even though I’ve learned how to defend myself, I take comfort knowing that my man could also defend me if necessary.

As much as it would be nice to live in a world without violence, we don’t live in that world right now, and pretending that we do won’t get us there any faster. As long as the possibility exists that someone could harm you and/or your loved ones, you should be prepared for that.

But that’s not the only reason why I believe that learning a combat art is essential for cultivating masculine power. Yang (masculine) energy is assertive and can be unapologetically violent and destructive it its extreme forms.

My boyfriend’s 18-month-old son is full of yang energy; he will routinely throw books, DVDs, pillows, and anything else he can reach on the ground, then stand on these items, raise his fists in the air, and roar with delight. We’ve given him nicknames like, “little Viking” and “little Conqueror” because of this.

Watching this has made me realize that most men are probably born with a lot more yang energy than they have access to now, perhaps because parents grow tired of having their belongings “conquered” every day and so they scold the yang out of their sons. But this is not to blame parents, because the truth is that this kind of unchecked destruction is inappropriate and something that little boys need to grow out of.

But little boys are not always taught how to grow into confident, powerful men; most men I know have been taught to negate their natural yang power rather than cultivate and channel that energy for good.

And this brings me back to martial arts and learning to fight. If you, as an adult, learn how to fight for your life, you will not become carelessly destructive; you will become more aggressively powerful and at the same time more grounded and in control of yourself.

By getting in touch with more extreme forms of masculine energy, you will naturally infuse the rest of your life with it. When faced with the challenge of punching, kicking, and throwing someone to the ground, asking for a raise or approaching a beautiful woman suddenly seems like a walk in the park.

Speaking of walks, the ‘don’t f*ck with me’ walk is to be taken literally.
It’s not about looking for a fight; it’s about having conquered both the fear of fighting and the desire to. It’s about carrying yourself in a way that honors your power as a man. It’s about carrying yourself in a way that shows that you know you have the power to conquer the world–without destroying it.


  1. Eddie Pratt says:

    Henry Rollins went through this. I’ll just bring up to any guy reading this, Real romance, real love can’t happen unless a man is strong. I don’t know how men can be emotionally strong when they are not physically strong. Strength is part of being a man. Really, because if we don’t battle our doubts every day, how are we supposed to help women battle theirs?

  2. Thanks Liz. It is true. I see it every night at the club. When the bouncers tackle a fight, the women want to be taken home by them..

    Yes, taking up a martial art is now on my list.


  3. Great timing Liz! Three weeks ago, I started kenpo karate. I started doing the Don’t F*ck with Me walk after my second class! I love the confidence of knowing I can defend myself and my girl. I’m so confident, I don’t even need to prove it. Thank you Liz!

  4. Liz, I completely agree with you 100% on this.

    I did martial arts diligently for 5 years, during college, I had girls (from my club only, who saw me in that space) come up to me outside of the dojang with the biggest eyes of admiration I’ve ever seen (almost like a.. ‘oh my god, that’s him?’)

    These are women absent that martial arts setting, wouldn’t give me the time of day if they worked in a clock store.

  5. There’s something to be said about the fact that if you’re confident in handling a situation, it avoids it from coming up. Someone without that confidence appears to be a victim, and it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, cause that weak posture invites aggression/antagonism.

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