Think Fast

The other day I was waiting for my order at Jamba Juice when a guy walked in and stared at me. He actually did a double take (which was flattering 🙂 ), ordered his smoothie, and then stared at me again, looked away, looked back, stared some more.  My initial rush of excitement and intrigue quickly turned to awkwardness because he while he kept checking me out, he stayed on the other side of the store. Eventually I pretended to be on my phone just to avoid him. If youʼre that guy who stares at women and doesnʼt take action and approach, then chances are youʼre creeping out a lot of women too–women that would say yes if you did approach!

The reason for this isnʼt just the awkwardness of having someone stare at you–itʼsbecause we women are more attracted to men who go after what they want without nervous hesitation.

Actually, the ability to make quick decisions and act on them isnʼt just important when it comes to women; itʼs an important aspect of creating success in all areas of life. Most business experts will tell you that the ability to make quick decisions and implement them is one of the most important factors in business success–more important than intelligence and even social skills.

Thereʼs a great story about how Napoleon Hill came to write the book Think and Grow Rich:

Andrew Carnegie called him into his office and said that he wanted to hire Napoleon to research and document what he and his wealthy colleagues had done to grow their wealth. It would take years and offer no pay, and at the time Napoleon was a journalist barely scraping by, so taking on this project was a big decision. As Carnegie waited for Napoleonʼs answer, he took out a stopwatch (keeping it hidden under the desk) and waited. Carnegie was pleased that Napoleon answered yes in under a minute. Carnegie said that if he had taken more than a minute, he would know that Napoleon wasnʼt the right man for the job; Carnegie knew that successful men have the ability to make decisions quickly.

Iʼm not sure if this story is true or if itʼs folklore, but either way, it perfectly illustrates the point.

Quick, decisive action is a very masculine thing to do, which is why itʼs also an important part of successfully approaching and interacting with women.

So, what do you do when you lock eyes with a cute girl? Imagine Carnegie just got out his stopwatch and itʼs go time. Now, I realize this might seem daunting because that gives you only a moment to think of something fresh and in the moment to say; a canned line will not work nearly as well, even if itʼs a “good” one, because most of the time it will be out of context and so it will come across as weird.

One of the best ways to quickly come up with a good, in the moment opener is to look around and pick out something in the moment to comment on. Could be the decor, something funny or interesting that just happened, even the weather–anything to break the ice. Most guys shy away from this kind of simple stuff because they are afraid it will sound stupid, but if a woman has already caught you staring and is giving you “approach me eyes,” then she will be relieved that you said something to break the tension that the eye contacted created. The actual words wonʼt matter much, because what you are really saying is, Yea, I saw you checking me out too and Iʼm going to actually do something about it.

Trying to be super witty with your opener will more often then not make you look like you are trying too hard. You will either come across as a sleazy player or as a guy who thinks heʼs a movie character. Better just to keep things more casual and normal so that she can relax into knowing that you are normal (as in, not a psycho creep or serial killer).

In other words, while you donʼt want your actual conversation with a woman to linger on bland topics, itʼs totally fine to have your opener be less-than-clever-and-witty because the fact that you are approaching without wishy-washy hesitation will charge it with energy and excitement.

So, the next time you see a girl you think is cute, donʼt just stand there and stare at her. If sheʼs noticed you, too, then go over and start a conversation with her. Quickly.

Comments

  1. My dating life was swirling around in the toilet and descending fast into the sewer.
    When I found Liz, I decided quickly that dating toilets isn’t good enough for me, and decided quickly to get her coaching. After my breakthrough with Liz, I now have a gorgeous girlfriend (she’s a wedding dress model) who’s loves me to pieces, emotionally mature and ALWAYS treats me well. My girlfriend is fit, an artist, a writer, and pretty much perfect for me. Thank you Liz!!!

  2. I love this post. All my guy friends always talk about how using simple openers aren’t good cuz a million other guys have done the same and it doesn’t make you any different. I think what matters is the confidence you exude, and the content and interest of the conversation! great post!

    • Anonymous says:

      Absolutely–so many guys put way too much pressure on themselves to come up
      with clever openers, but I know so many confident men who start
      conversations with women by commenting on the weather…they are NOT like
      all the other guys who did that, because they are exuding confidence (when
      most guys don’t). Thanks for the comment!

      • That is soooo true! I love feeling so confident that I can go up to a woman and be like, “Hey, what’s up?” and know she’s gonna be cool with it. PUAs talk a lot about how to make the conversation go well, however, I’ve never heard a PUA talk about finding a good match. When I introduce myself to a woman I don’t know, I’m not trying to force anything. I’m exploring whether she and I are a match. Because I look for a match rather than trying to force the conversation any certain way, I have an amazing girlfriend!

  3. Saying ANYTHING as Liz describes is the best opener. Yes, saying anything is the best opener. In fact, I ‘opened’ (I hate to use that PUA lingo) a stunning brunette at the airport by asking her, ‘Do you know where gate K8 is?’ She was immediately friendly and responsive and we had a very fun, flirty 10 minute conversation. I was traveling with my family that day and came through a different gate than them. When my mom saw who I was talking with, she was blown away that I could pull such a gorgeous woman in the time it took to get through security.

    Even better than that is to use a compliment. I love to compliment women. Not just women I am attracted to but all women, even, and especially my mom, aunts, and sister-in-law. I had a great 45 minute conversation with a cute, intelligent brunette the other night and got her # all because of, ‘I really like the deep lavender hue of your nails.’ 🙂

    If you can’t think of anything to say, put yourself out there, walk up, and say, ‘Hey…[insert whatever]’ If you believe it will work, it will.

  4. Now that I have a girlfriend who’s a MATCH for me, I get that most of the time, words don’t matter. Energy matters, feelings matter, confidence matters… words aren’t that important.

    I have literally had whole conversations with a friend which had NO words at all – we babbled nonsense to each other and made goofy body movements. If you want a woman, do this exercise. Find a light hearted person who would have fun with this, and just go up to them and say, “asldfkjalweoiruxcm” speak gobbledegook. Really. Have an entire two sided conversation that way, and notice what you learn.

    For me, how well the conversation goes is one of many indicators of whether this woman is a MATCH for me. When I introduce myself to a woman, I don’t care how well it goes – spark or no spark is equally fine with me. If there’s a spark, then great, we’ll keep on sparkin. If not, it’s okay and all it means is she and I are not a match. I never try to force a spark. I test whether there IS a spark, and I am okay with either outcome.

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