Why You’re in the Friend Zone

First, let’s distinguish the difference between friendship and the friend zone. Friendship is when both the man and the woman feel platonic affection but not sexual attraction for each other. Yeah, I know; if you both got drunk enough, one thing could lead to another…but in general, she’s more like a sister to you.

True friendship feels great, and you can both be relaxed around each other.

The friend zone, on the other hand, is when you crush on a girl and she doesn’t seem to be crushing back.

You and she hang out all the time, you have everything in common, and you and she cuddle on the couch…but it never goes anywhere. Sound familiar?

Maybe she’s even said flat out, “Um, let’s just be friends.”


Of course, then you get to watch her obsess over every little word of every little text message from some other dude that doesn’t have NEARLY the connection that you have with her…and you know he’s only going to break her heart, and you just have to sit back and watch it happen.

Sucks big time, right?

Sucks for her, too. For a woman, having a guy in the friend zone is super awkward and uncomfortable. She might play dumb, but she KNOWS you like her.

She knows you want more, and chances, SO DOES SHE!

“What? Then why the heck did she put me in the friend zone?!”

She didn’t put you in the friend zone. You put yourself there.

Don’t believe me?

Then let me ask you this…when you hang out with her, are you waiting to see if it’s friendship or something more?

Are you looking to see what kind of relationship she wants with you?

Are you trying to figure out what’s going to happen between you based on her words and actions towards you?

Well, all that waiting, looking, and trying is how you put yourself in the friend zone!

Spending time around someone and interpreting their body language and words to calibrate what their intentions are is the FEMININE ROLE. It’s what we do, and we do it pretty damn well. 🙂

The masculine role is to MAKE things happen, not see what will happen.

I know it can be scary to put yourself out there, but you need to make a bold move. If you already hang out all the time, saking her to coffee isn’t going to do much for you. The next time you are with her and it seems like it would be a great moment to kiss, that’s your cue.

Your Inside Woman,

Liz Leia

P.S. Here’s some Friend Zone comedy to put a smile on your face: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqChDD-ycAk


  1. Ronny your inside guy says:

    Just saw the youtube bit….Yep, its true! That's exactly what its like for guys when girls do that to them. But for me personally, its never happened…its only happened to my guy friends, and even tho its never happened to me, I feel for them.

    MY situation is worse (in my opinion). I'm NEVER the nice male friend!! I'm either the sexy guy-candy, or I'm NOTHING! Sucks! At least if you're her friend, you might have a CHANCE at turning it around (using Liz's “3-steps to getting outta the friend zone” mini-course). As opposed to me, where I can't even get inside a woman's life to do that!

  2. sexy guy-candy ? yeah boo-freakin'-hoo I have a lot of sympathy for you. What does one do with all that hot sex ? Life must really suck.

  3. I know, I know…it would seem that's a good thing. but take into account the number of times I get rejected versus the times I get a close. 9 to 1. There's no middle ground (friends) for me.

  4. I got friendzoned in middle school once. Thought that it was a terrible thing. Then, in my junior and senior year of high school, I suddenly had three guys trying to date me. Like it mentions in here, I DEFINITELY noticed. I tried to distance myself from them, excluding myself from group interactions, switching classes, sprinting from class to class, hiding throughout lunch. I excluded myself from all of my social life. Rarely saw any of the three. Still didn’t work. Throughout the school year, I had to turn down each because they truthfully were not my type. I attract outsiders because I’m one as well, and I guess I make the mistake of being polite, listening to other human beings when they speak because they’re people too. But the thing is, I don’t want to be anything else. I’m almost 18, 5’1″, brown hair, blue eyes, glasses, I tried to look as Plain Jane as I could. All of the guys were at least 6 feet tall, and I’m not being 2D when I illustrate them all as selfish, obnoxious boys. Sure, they were all potential eye candy, but I didn’t even appreciate talking to them, by the end of it. I didn’t want to be the friendzoner. I just really felt too offset with them. I felt like THEY were 2D, for not understanding that I was distancing myself from humanity because of them. They weren’t my type. So, there’s that. A documented overview, straight from the source. THE OTHER SIDE OF A FRIENDZONING.
    Sorry to you guys who actually feel like you might have a chance, but if your crush is literally running from you, you’d probably have better luck if you reconsidered your options.

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